


Blank Spaces

by paisparker



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 1980s, 1990s, Angst, Canon Compliant, Christianity, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Death is canon at the very end, Not Beta Read, Pre-2020, Religious Content, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, exes alexluke, friends to lovers to friends, i don’t know if this will be lukereggie or julieluke, pre-death, pre-ghost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26477947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paisparker/pseuds/paisparker
Summary: In 1988 Alex Kelly learned what “gay” meant. In late 1994 he told his parents that’s what he is. But in 1995 he died without resolution between his crumbling family. This is the story of the blank spaces.
Relationships: Alex & Julia Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Reggie & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex (Julie and The Phantoms) & Luke (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex (Julie and The Phantoms) & Original Male Character(s), Alex (Julie and The Phantoms) & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex (Julie and the Phantoms)/Willie (Julie and the Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Alex (Julie and The Phantoms) - past
Comments: 24
Kudos: 226





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> cross posted on twitter @ ghostyaIex  
> CHECK TAGS

_Sunset Blvd, California  
March 23rd, 1992_

The chilled water lapped comfortably across Alex’ bare feet. His shoes lied on the dock beside him, and the voices of those who had yet to tire to their homes echoed quietly in the distance behind him. The fourteen year old had never adapted well to change, and having had moved from his home in Minnesota more than halfway through freshmen year, was a change he still was fitting into. Of course he was grateful his mother’s cookbook had received the recognition it had, as well as the new, more liberal environment of Hollywood, but the feeling of a house that didn’t yet feel quite like home was less than satisfying; not to mention he still hadn’t exactly found his niche in terms of the social scene. Sure he wasn’t exactly alone alone, there were students he could sit with at lunch and ones he could hold a conversation with in class, but none he’d see outside of class on his own accord.

However, that all changed as two boys came gallivanting down the dock behind him. 

“Aye whatcha doin all alone ‘ere? Get blown off on a date or somethin?” A brunette asked, dropping in inelegantly to the ground beside him. 

“Oh uhh, no no I was just,” he gestured to the vast expanse of water. “catching the view.” A slight laugh sounded.

“You’re new, right? I recognize you from math class with Smiths.” The other boy questioned.

“Uh yeah, yeah I’m Alex.” 

The boys both jumped with their arms reached out in a dramatic fashion. 

“I’m Luke.” The shorter of the two announced.

“Reggie!” 

Alex smiled awkwardly in acknowledgement, to which Reggie let out a puff of air. “You’re not much of a talker are ya?” He asked.

Luke elbowed him, eliciting a small ‘ouch’ from the latter, before both of them sat down on opposite sides of the blonde.

“So, you play?” The shorter asked.

Alex raised an eyebrow in question, turning to the brunette boy. “Huh?”

“Music ya goof! You got an AC/DC shirt on; you play or just like t’ listen?” He restated.

“Oh, I mean I was in my school’s band class back home but, I don’t if that really counts.” Alex responded.

“Nah man that’s awesome! Whaddya play?” The other—Reggie, piped up.

“Drums.” 

Luke and Reggie looked at each other with eyes wide open, then gave the same glance to the boy between them excitedly. Luke placed his hand on the wide of Alex’ back, gently shaking him. 

“Dude! Do you think you could show us?” He asked.

“Yeah man! We’ve been looking for a drummer for like, ever!” Reggie told him.

“Why?” 

Reggie popped his collar. “Well uh, not to brag but we’re in a band. Kinda a big deal ‘round here.”

“We’re called sunset curve.” Luke rattled back.

“Tell your friends.” 

“I don’t really have any at the moment.” Alex told the two of them, immediately regretting it the moment the words left his mouth. _Great way to make yourself seem like a loser._ He chided internally.

“Ahh, that’s too bad. Here I was thinkin we just became yours.” Luke sighed sarcastically, before giving him a smile.

Alex returned it happily, then gave another to Reggie.

Quickly after, Alex showed the two boys some of his drumming on some buckets—as neither of the three had any legitimate drum sets of their own, and was officially inducted into the band, and a blossoming friendship.

A month down the line they met Bobby, a private school attendee with a talent for playing bass, and as three became four, a house became a home in the city of Hollywood.


	2. 1

_Red Lake, Minnesota  
September 23rd, 1988_

“As Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. This quote is as accounted for in Jude 1:7–write that down, and I want you to all memorize it for next Sunday so you can earn your final review patch for the upcoming year.” Spoke Mr. Walker, the youth group leader. “Now, we shall study this text for the next few weeks. Does anyone have an idea of the context?”

Sally, a tall and outspoken girl with dirty blonde hair, raised her hand dutifully. 

“Sally?” Mr. Walker selected.

“Well, in Sodom and Gomorrah both of the men are going to be destroyed for their sins, but Abraham asks for the rest of the town to be spared because of his nephew and his family.” She answered.

“Yes, but can anyone tell us what their sins were?” Asked Mr. Walker. “Peter.” 

“Ezekiel 16:50 says, And they were haughty and committed abomination before Me; therefore I took them away as I saw fit. So they committed some sort of abomination?” Peter stated.

As Alex listened to the conversation around him, bible opened heavily on his lap, he grew more and more confused about the topic at hand. There was nothing specific stating what really went on, so how were they to be asked what the sins were?

“Isn’t it because the abomination was that they were gay?” A boy—Daniel, stated in the back, erupting snickering laughter between him and his friends. 

“Daniel! Don’t be so inappropriate!” Eliza chided him.

 _Gay? What’s gay?_ Alex questioned internally.

“Well Eliza, Daniel is actually correct. I would like you all to turn your page to Genesis 19:1, and can someone volunteer to read?” The man asked. “Ah, Nancy.”

Nancy cleared her throat and began to read. “...Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can…” She trailed off awkwardly.

“It’s okay, continue.” Mr. Walker told her.

She grimaced. “Bring them out to us so that we can... Have sex with them.” 

_What?_ Alex thought. _That’s not what mine says._ He was well aware that different versions of the Bible stated things differently, but as his old King James Version stated, _“bring them out to us, so that we may know them.”_ And declared nothing about… Sex. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Thank you Nancy. So as you can all see, for this deplorable behavior, God sent vengeance and destroyed the men and the townspeople when Lot and his family stayed the only righteous beings. That is all for tonight, who would like to close us in prayer?” 

Alex sat in silence, as per usual, and waited as the volunteer prayed amongst the fellow youth group students. There were just about twenty students in the group, all of which attended Red Lake Falls Middle School with Alex, but only one of which he considered to be his friend; Johnny, who’d been absent that night due to the stomach bug.

As students filed out of the church, the blonde boy mustered up the courage to walk over to Mr. Walker who gave him a smile. “Alex, what can I do for you?” He asked.

“Um, well I just… Daniel said something but, I don’t know what it means? I don’t know if it’s a bad word or…” 

“Are you, talking about when he said the word gay?” Mr. Walker questioned, to which he nodded. “Well, it’s not quite a bad word, but it does describe—as we learned, some acts that are considered to be sins. Gay means homosexuality, as in when a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, are together in the way that God intended a man and a woman to be. Do you understand?” 

Face flushed red and hot, Alex nodded in understanding. He had never heard of such a situation, and lesser he knew nothing of it being considered so terrible that it garnered death in the Bible. 

“If you ever have any more questions don’t be afraid to ask. Have a good night.” Mr. Walker said, packing up his things.

“Good night.” The boy mumbled, walking hurriedly out of the church to where his mother was waiting in her car.

He pulled open the door and jumped into the red Ford Mustang to his mother who greeted him with a smile. “Hi honey, you have a good lesson tonight?”

He nodded wordlessly.

“Your dad is home a bit earlier than expected tonight, so we’re just gonna drive down to the KFC and have ourselves an unhealthy dinner tonight.” She chuckled. 

The mention of the—albeit over salted, food brought a smile to his face. “Can we get Mac n Cheese too?” 

“Uh duh.” The woman joked, pressing play on her Willie Nelson track.

The mother and son then drove down the quiet streets at night, music playing joyfully around them, but a sinking feeling, nestled deep in Alex’ chest.


	3. 2

_Hollywood, California  
November 18th, 2020_

“-lex. Alex!” Called Luke, snapping the taller out of his reverie. “Jeez man, you’ve been in your head all day.”

“Yeah, you good buddy?” Asked Reggie.

Alex nodded, plastering on a fake smile which he hoped looked real. Since the morning had started, his mind was overflowing with memories of his childhood—both good and bad, which distracted him from the present. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine! Totally fine. Super duper!” 

Luke and Reggie exchanged glances, before a smirk appeared on the face of the younger of the two. “Ahh I see what this is about. You’re thinking about Willie aren’t ya?” He said, resting his chin on the blonde’s shoulder, and arm swinging up around the other.

“I-“ Alex started, before getting cut off by Julie.

“Who’s Willie?” 

Everyone looked at her with wide eyes.

“Uhh no one, no one just um…” Luke trailed off.

“A dog! Yeah we passed a pet store earlier, saw an adorable dog!” Reggie filled in.

“Named Willie!” The latter finished.

Julie looked between the three boys with an unamused look of skepticism. “You’re lying… Why are you lying?” She questioned exasperatedly.

Alex, throat closing with the familiar feeling of anxiety, ghosted out of the room.

Luke cleared his throat. “It’s not really our place to say.” He told the girl genuinely.

“Oh…” She murmured. “Should… Should someone go check on him?” 

The boys sighed. “He gets like this sometimes when it comes to… Certain subjects. It’s best to let him have some time alone first to cool off.” Reggie informed her.

Julie nodded, the feeling of sentimental worry nagging inside of her.

Bustling down the busy street of Hollywood, Alex took in the sight of new stores and restaurants he had yet to commit to memory. The places he once knew, being replaced by unfamiliar names in what seemed like the blink of an eye for the ghost teens was an odd feeling—one that wasn’t exactly welcomed comfortably.

He had walked down these streets a handful of times since ending up in what Reggie still insisted on calling “the future”. Moments of anxiety or frustration he soothed with brisk walks and sightseeing. He felt like a tourist in his own city.

At one particular street, however, he paused. 

Luke had been visiting his family’s home here and there, less frequently now after the closure Julie brought to the family of three, and Reggie—seemingly, made peace with the fact that his family had elected to move on by moving out. Alex though, still hadn’t gone to see his old home. Whether it be out of fear or of sadness, walking down the street he stood on at that very moment was something he pushed off.

It was time for him to be brave though.

Walking on the road he left untraveled, he recollected memories of the 90s. He rattled the names of neighbors who he remembered living in different houses, he thought of the times he played basketball with the guys in the street, and riding bikes in nothing but swim trunks after a trip down to the beach across from what was once Reggie’s.

Eventually he arrived to the building that used to be his home. A medium sized home made of stone and stucco, with brown terracotta roof top and wooden window frames. It still kept its Spaniard aura in a way which made Alex warm. But glancing to the right of it, he noticed a multicolored piece of fabric. Small, but fittingly draped over the side of the house’s mailbox.

It was a pride flag.

He didn’t know whether the people residing in the house were still his parents; chances bet on the idea that they weren’t, but that was a question he’d find the answer to another day. For now, he knew what to do, what he felt he needed to do with courage.

About an hour after their drummer friend had left, Alex zapped back into the garage, Willie supportively by his side with their hands intertwined; it was feeling that made Alex’ head swim, if he was touch starved before, becoming a ghost only increased that feeling of longing for physical affection, but being on the brink of sensory overload once actually receiving it.

Luke and Reggie smiled as they noticed the presence of both boys. 

“Hey man, nice t’ see you again.” Luke greeted Willie.

“Yeah dude, cool to see you both too. You working on a song?” He asked, gesturing to the paper splayed out in front of the writer, who was twiddling a pen in his fingers.

“Yup!” He popped the p. “Julie just stepped out to get her phone charger or something.” 

“Guess the whole wireless function only lasts so long.” Reggie remarked. 

Just then, Julie walked back into the garage, making the four boys turn.

“Alex, your back! Listen I’m so sorry if I overstepped or if I made you feel uncomfortable with my question. You’re totally allowed to have privacy. You don’t need to share everything with me or, or anyone and I completely get it, I’m-“ She rambled.

“Hey hey, woah calm down!” He chuckled. “I’m okay. The sentiment is appreciated but, really. I’m okay. Um…” He looked next to him towards Willie.

Julie made no expression showing acknowledgement to the fourth ghost.

“I guess she can’t see you.” Alex told him.

“See who?” The girl asked.

The blonde looked between the two of them, and with a shaking breath began to speak. “Julie, this is Willie; he’s another ghost. Willie, this is Julie; she's the one who can make us seen.”

Looking through thin air, the latina girl greeted him. “Uh, hello, Willie. It’s um, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Uhh hi, yeah! Nice to meet you too.” The ghost said in return.

A moment of awkward silence passed by. “This is weird.” Reggie could be heard speaking at a loud whisper, to which Luke gave a slight elbow to. 

_How familiar._ Alex thought.

“So,” Julie started. “how come you didn’t want to s-“ she stopped, eyes darting down to where Alex’ hand held a cupped position in midair—or rather, where the two boys were holding hands. “Oohh.” 

Alex shifted his feet, looking downwards, then up to where he saw a smile on Julie’s face.

She opened up her arms, and the boy sighed a breath of relief, grinning back and releasing Willie’s hand to wrap his arms around the shorter girl’s waist. They stood like that in a hug for good moment, Alex relishing in the comfort of his human friend’s affection. “Thank you.” He whispered so only she could hear.

“Always.” Julie stated.

As they broke the hug, the three ghosts noticed Willie’s face had gone awestruck. 

“What?” Alex asked him hesitantly.

“You… You guys can hug. You? You can actually touch?” He questioned.

“Oh yeah that’s sorta a recent development.” Luke responded.

“Learned it after the Orpheum. Thought we were gonna die, again! But then Julie hugged us and we glowed, man. Glowed!” Reggie announced boisterously.

“That’s… Wow.” Willie said.

“I know.” Alex pitched in, leaning an arm on the ghost’s shoulder, who in return wrapped his around Alex' waist without a second thought.

Julie stood with an awkward smile. “I think I get the jist of what you guys were talking about… But we’re gonna need a relay system or something. Maybe start typing on a phone what Willie says?” 

“Smart idea! Just need to figure out how those things work still.” Luke told her. 

She snorted a laugh, making everyone else smile as they basked in the satisfaction of their happy found family.


	4. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Sorry for being a day late. If you follow my on twitter you may know I work at a wild animal rehabilitation and educational center where we rescue and release injured and/or orphaned animals. Friday I personally rescued a baby rabbit last Friday—it’s a domestic breed but was raised wild on my landlord’s property, and long story short she has an infected abscess from a cat bite, and yesterday she gave me quite a scare as she wasn’t responding well to her antibiotics or vetericyn, but anyways, the new chapter is here and I hope y’all enjoy!

_Red Lake, Minnesota  
October 29th, 1988_

It was a Saturday, and the hour of noon had just arrived, leaving Alex sprawled out on top of his bed tossing a rubber ball up and down and up and down robotically. His parents had arrived home from church not long beforehand; he hadn’t gone as they never forced him to do so, seeing as he went to youth group already.

“Alex, I put soup on the stove! It’ll be ready in a few minutes!” His mother called out down the hall.

“Okay!” He yelled back in affirmation, catching the ball and placing it on his bedside table.

The light from outside filtered in through his window, catching dust particles calmingly in the beams. 

Halloween was in a few days, and he had been stressing over his own indecision on a costume. Most kids at school had already been boasting about their tv comic masks—a popular brand that the ‘cool kids wore, but he wasn’t sure he wanted one of those. Sure the Batman one looked cool in the display window of the local holiday shoppe, and his mother adored the “Christmas Story” bunny, but he couldn’t settle on anything.

Well, he did have an idea… However it was certainly not one he could actually act upon. 

The majority of adults in his town had frowned upon their youth listening to anything other than religious music or the country songs that many found themselves apt to, which was why a week ago when he had found a small congregation of girls skipping class with a walkman being passed around, and the sound of rock music echoing just slightly from the headphones, his interest was peaked.

“Hey Sarah, what’d you say this guy’s name was again?” A brunette girl asked. 

From the looks of it, all the girls seemed to be in a grade above Alex’ own.

“David Bowie. You know my ma says he likes women and men.” The ruby redhead responded.

 _That’s a thing, too?_ Alex wondered internally.

“Oh come on Sarah, is that even allowed?” Another girl piped in.

Sarah giggled. “Why do you think I’m skipping class to listen? My dad would kill me if he found out I used my laundry money to buy this!” 

Since then he had spent some extra time in the supermarket sneaking magazines to the book isle—one he knew not many people chose to go down often, to find any article he could on the David Bowie person.

He had read line after line about his ‘Ziggy Stardust’ persona, and even listened to a few of his songs at the record store where they allowed visitors to test out their newest record machines.

Needless to say, he had been enraptured quickly with the man’s music, but he had also heard that the Sarah girl had received a week’s detention for skipping class and listening to what the faculty called “devil’s music”. 

“Alex! Your food is going to get cold!” His mother said loudly.

Shuffling out of bed, he yelled; “Coming!”

The two of them sat at the mahogany table eating their soup and sandwiches, with the sound of the tv idly playing “The Golden Girls” in the background.

As Alex was finishing up his last bits of soup, his dad came down the hall dressed in his work clothes. 

“Oh, Alex! The station called in, they need me to come down again. Something about some illegal fireworks some kids set off in Mrs. Jefferson’s yard. I’ll probably be home before dinner,” He went and kissed his wife on the head. “but if I’m not, I need you to Chance out for a walk, k?” 

The boy nodded in confirmation.

“Great. Okay. Bye honey, love you.”

“Love you too.” His mom responded, picking up her bowl and bringing it to the kitchen sink.

“So have you come up with an idea of what you want to be for Halloween yet?” She asked her son.

He sighed. “No, not really. I don’t even know if I wanna go this year. Can’t I just hand out candy with you?” 

The woman let out a huff of breath with a smile and came up behind his seat. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and rested her chin on one of them. “Is this your way of telling me you’re ‘too old’ for this sort of stuff? My baby is all grown up. Soon he’s going to be off to college, getting married to a beautiful lady, having my grandchildren and I’m going to be all alone.” She said dramatically, bringing a grin to his face.

“Mom…” He drew out. “I’m only twelve! And no I just… I don’t know. All the other kids know what they want to be and have everything planned out. They all want to wear those comic masks, and they have their route for the night set up, and I just don’t.”

She furrowed her eyebrows and sat down in the chair beside him, feeling as though the conversation at hand extended farther than just her son’s indecisiveness on a Halloween costume. “Honey… You don’t have to wear any comic mask, or plan everything out for which houses you’ll go to first. Sometimes the best things come out of spontaneity. Whatever you want to be, whether that be for Halloween or what you want to be when you grow up, so long as it’s you, truly you, that’s all that matters. Not what other kids may think. What do you want to be Alexander?” 

Two days later he was walking down the street with a red and blue lighting bolt face painted across his face, and his friend Johnny in tow; and if any adults had the indecency to make snide commentary on it, his mother was there at home to tell them “my son wants to be a rockstar.” and he was happy with that.

_Hollywood, California  
November 19th, 2020_

“Hey.” Luke announced his presence behind Alex, who turned his head to face him.

“Hey.” He responded back.

He had been sitting on the Molinas’ roof for a good half hour, watching as the sun slowly set behind the cascade of mountains.

“Whatcha doin’ all the way up here?” The brunette questioned, lying down on his back next to Alex.

He exhaled a long breath, reclining to lie beside Luke, and taking a moment before responding. “Do you remember when we sat on your roof at night and watched the stars?”

Luke chuckled. “Yeah and I remember when Bobby tripped and him and Reggie both fell off into the bushes.”

The memory erupted a loud laugh from Alex, which eventually settled into a smile. “Well yeah, yeah that was funny but… I meant when it was just the two of us.” He explained.

Luke’s face reddened just slightly. “Yeah, yeah I remember. Why?” He asked with a light tremble to his voice.

“Because… I went to see my old house yesterday.” 

The singer lifted up onto his elbows. “What?” He asked. Since the events which took place after Alex had come out, the brunette held a strong bit of protective resentment towards the latter’s parents, and although he wasn’t shocked that the boy had finally gone to visit, it didn’t mean the news was of happy information.

“I didn’t go inside, I just stood at the end of the driveway but… I don’t know. I saw a, gay pride flag? It was hanging on the mailbox and I don’t even know if they’re the ones who still live there but it made me wonder if they changed, after all this time?” He pondered aloud.

Luke sighed. “I mean… It has been twenty five years, and they did lose their son on a bad note. It’s not impossible.”

Alex hummed in acknowledgement. The two of them sat there for a few minutes in comfortable silence. 

“Do you think… Next time I go there, if I actually go inside, do you think you could be there? I mean, you know I’d ask both you and Reggie but you were actually there after I came out and-and you stood up for me, when I told my dad we were together and-“

“Alex!” Luke cut him off, sitting up and grabbing his arm gently. “You don’t need to explain. I’ll be there, in an instant the second you need, okay?”

Alex let out a breath of relief. “Thanks.”

“No need to thank me man. It’s what friends are for.” He reassured.

“Even if they’re exes?” The blonde asked jokingly, making Luke snort.

“Even if they’re exes.” The boy affirmed.

“Speaking of, have you told Julie about that yet?” Alex asked.

“About what?”

“You know, about us or even just how you aren’t really… Straight.” He elaborated.

Alex noticed Luke was playing with his bracelets, a nervous habit the guitarist had picked up long before the two had even met. “No… I mean you didn’t come out to her until yesterday so I definitely didn’t tell her you and I used to be a thing, and as for the whole ‘not straight’ thing, the only people that know are you and Reggie. I don’t even know what label fits me man.” He told Alex exasperatedly. 

“First off, you don’t need a label if you don’t want one, and second, based on how she reacted to Willie and I, I’m sure she’ll be completely supportive if and or when you decide to tell her.” Alex assured him. “Maybe she could even help you look into more orientations if you wanted.”

Luke nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. She’d probably be really sweet about it. That girl is amazing.” He said dreamily, causing Alex to roll his eyes affectionately.

The two of them looked out at the sun which had set and turned into stars glistening in the night sky. 

“Hey!” A yell sounded from somewhere below, recognizably being Reggie, who then zapped his way up to the roof with his friends. “There you two are! I’ve been looking all over for you. What’re you doing on the roof?” He questioned.

“Reminiscing.” Alex said lightheartedly.

“Oh. Oh? You guys aren’t… Again, right?” He gestured awkwardly, causing both of them to roll their eyes.

“No you dork.” Luke gently shoved Reggie’s shoulder.

“Okay phew cuz I was worried I’d have to deal with being the third wheel again.” He huffed.

“You were never the third wheel Reg. You had Bobby and even then you insisted on going everywhere with us.” The other brunette chuckled fondly.

“I was the third wheel in spirit. Hah, now we’re actually spirits!” 

Alex watched as his bandmates continued to playfully bicker, not failing to catch that the gleam in Luke’s eyes while talking to the grunge-apparel-wearing guitarist was the same that sparkled whenever he spoke about Julie. However that, was certainly a conversation to have another day. For now, it was him, his friends, and the night sky twinkling with glee.

_Sunset Blvd, California  
February 12th, 1992_

Carefully, Alex unloaded the last box to his room from the uHaul. Moving to California had meant a fresh start. No more Christian youth group that somehow despite following a religion that prided itself on acceptance and forgiveness managed to be more judgemental than anything. It meant no more cold north mornings almost being late to school because the ice on windows would scrape off and wouldn’t defrost quick enough. It meant being in a new town with a blank slate and a place in which the neighbor ten houses down wouldn’t know about a recent argument via the grapevine because they didn’t care.

And yes, it also meant he had to say goodbye to Johnny, and wipe away tears as he ran his fingers along the scraggly carving of his name he made on the wall when he was six. That he would have to try out for the jazz band all over again because this new school wouldn’t know about his past drumming experience.

But, most of all it meant when he went for walks around the block he’d see all sorts of people embracing their individuality, such as the rainbow flags hanged at some buildings, and the tourist shops displaying anti Bush t-shirts and more gay memorabilia. It was a breathtaking sight driving by on the way in, one he couldn’t help but sneak glances at while his parents purposely deterred their eyes to stay solely on the road.

It was strange to see the weather as well. In Minnesota he had been used to snow until April, and feet of it at that, but here? In California? All he saw was sunshine and a cold chill in the air.

“Alex, your father and I just have to take in a few more boxes. When you’re done with that when can you look in the phone book to find some place that delivers?” His mother requested.

The concept of delivery was quite new to the states, even more so to Alex considering rural Minnesota had nothing of the sort.

“Mhmm.” He responded.

A few minutes later after his last box was placed in his new room, he found himself flipping through the yellow pages and the overwhelming array of possibilities.

Finally his eyes landed on a place called “Sunset Sushi.” 

“Is sushi okay?” He yelled out the door to his parents.

“Sure honey! Just get a California roll for your dad, you know how picky he is with raw fish.” She answered. 

“Hey!” His dad replied, offended, causing them both to giggle.

“Order a spicy salmon roll for me please! And ask for a menu so we have one for the future!”

He nodded and went to the phone to order, dialing the number listed on the page he had flipped open. Later as the food arrived and the family of three sat by the stools at the kitchen counter eating, they realized how truly tired they were from the long drive.

“I am not going to get used to this time change any day soon.” His dad stated, causing his mother to hum in agreement.

Alex was trying and failing miserably at using his chopsticks—the only sushi place near them in Minnesota was quite a drive away meaning such trips were far and few. “When I’m done can I walk around the block?” He asked.

“We were thinking tonight we’d just settle down for a bit and take a nap. There’s a theatre down the street playing Reservoir Dogs and we thought it’d be nice to check it out.” His mother told him. “If you think you can stay awake until 9 then you can go but the movie starts at 7 so I think a nap is the best option.” 

Yawning, he realized she was correct. Exploring could wait till tomorrow.


	5. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an actual chapter

_Hollywood, California  
November 29th, 2020_

See, Luke had a plan on how exactly he would confront Julie to tell her about his sexuality, and hopefully she held the answers to his seemingly endless amounts of questions. Or, at least, hopefully her 'google' would.

However, what he didn't anticipate was her finding an old songbook of his. In a more optimistic light, he was sort of glad she did because for one, it contained some songs he had been really proud of—ones that Bobby hadn't even known of, and two, he was never the most apt with his words, preferring to charge them into songs anyways.

The Puerto Rican girl had been cleaning up bits of the loft one morning. School had been out for Thanksgiving break, and the band had decided to pitch in and actually clean up the space they'd been occupying. 

Alex was busy organizing different tracks, lyric and notebooks, and any other item that could've used adjustment to make the place seem neater from their jostling around.

Reggie was dusting, spraying, and wiping down surfaces of the nitty gritty spots of the garage.

And Luke? He was supposed to be helping Julie carry down anything they could make useful from the loft down to ground level, however he was instead pacing the floor as Julie rummaged through a box.

"Dude you're doing Alex' model strut, what's wrong?" Reggie asked. 

The ghost in question looked up at the window, ignoring the question, and shook his head.

Reggie shared a glance with Alex, both boys confused and unsettled at the off kiltered behaviour of their friend.

"Luke?" The blonde asked, gaining yet again, no response. He put his hand on the brunette's shoulder, shaking him out of whatever reverie he was in. 

"Huh?" He asked innocently.

"Bro you've been pacing for like five minutes. Tell us what's going on." Alex said in a concerned manner, with his hand not leaving its comforting spot on Luke's shoulder.

"Nothing." Luke told him. 

Alex raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Nothing! Really it's just..." He sighed. "I'm trying to figure out a way to tell Julie about, yknow." He explained.

The drummer, although acknowledging what the boy said, was too immersed with the sight behind Luke, his eyes blown wide in nervousness. "Uh, you may not have to."

Luke turned around to see Julie was paging through a leather bound book that rested in her palms. 

"Hey, Luke, is this another one of your songbooks?" She questioned.

"Uh... Y-Yeah. Yeah, wow um, god I thought I lost that." He responded, gently taking the book into his own hands.

He thumbed over the cover, taking in the feel of the smooth rawhide. 

Alex smiled softly looking at it. He had given the book to Luke on their sixth month anniversary, having saved up his chore money for two months at the time to pick out something nice. He had found it at a hippie looking store on the boardwalk, that had the scent of dozens of herbs, natural soaps, and oils blended together. The book came from a small town in India, which held cows as sacred animals, and used every part of it humanely when it had died a natural death. He fell in love with it immediately, and he knew Luke would too.

The brunette walked over to the piano and opened up pages, grinning at the remembrance of certain songs like "In Too Deep" and "Walk The Line", and various other songs which exposed his most vulnerable feelings in the only way he truly knew how.

"Are these love songs?" Julie asked him.

He took in a breath and furrowed his eyebrows, then nodded, eyes staying on the pages flickering between his fingers.

"They're really good, but..." She looked at him confusedly. "I thought you weren't the romantic type, or whatever." She tucked a curly piece of hair behind her ear.

"Don't listen to what Alex says. I can be romantic when I want to be." He said chuckling, tossing a smirk in the direction of the aforementioned boy.

Julie placed her hand lightly on a page, fingers overlapping slightly with his own. The title of the song she had stopped on was "Lover's Eyes". Her forehead scrunched in confusion. "This isn't your handwriting." She said, pointing to some sentences on a page. "I mean, some of it is but this is too neat to be yours. No offense."

Luke looked up at Alex again, both of them red faced—oddly possible despite their lack of blood, and the latter struggling to come up with an explanation, before shutting his mouth and huffing another sigh. 

"No. You're right. I wrote that song with my ex. It's supposed to be a duet." He told her. "It uh, we actually wrote it after we had already broken up."

She looked at him surprised. "Really?"

"Yup. It was a mutual decision, and what makes for better inspiration than a breakup?" He joked.

Julie rubbed her lips together in contemplation. "What was she like?" She asked him.

"What?" 

"Your ex." The girl clarified.

"Oh! Uh..." Luke looked down at the book, thinking back to memories of when him and Alex were together.

Scenes flashed through his head of him sneaking into Alex's room through the boy's window, of play fighting turning into soft kisses, and of times when nights with their families got rough and they'd find themselves embracing one another for heat and daresay love in the garage at night.

Luke smiled softly. "Tall, for one. Like unfairly tall." He told the girl, walking and sitting down on the couch. "Blonde. Green eyes. Very nervous, almost constantly, but extremely passionate and open. And trustworthy, too. One time I uh, had a really bad argument with my Mom and Dad, and we just sat here, on this couch; we didn't even talk at first, didn't need to. Eventually I started crying and... I don't know. It's like everything came easy when we were together." 

"Were... Were you together when you died?" Julie questioned.

Luke shook his head. "No, no we broke up a few weeks before that. But like I said, it was mutual. We agreed that we were better off as friends. Technically we already were, there was just some extra intimacy we added that in the end we just felt wasn't necessary." He explained.

The entire time, Alex sat on the piano chair beside Reggie, the two of them listening as Alex's skin tickled with the sense of flusteredness. 

"She sounds... Really sweet." The girl told him genuinely. "What was her name? Maybe we can find her, see how she's doing nowadays."

Luke looked at her, gnawing gently on his bottom lip, before standing up quickly, reaching out his hand to her. "Come. You're gonna hear the song." 

She let herself be pulled up and dragged over to a stool, watching in confusion as Luke pulled his guitar over his head.

"I thought it was a duet?" She chuckled.

"Yup." He responded, popping the p.

"I can't sing it though, I don't know all the words."

He smirked. "You don't have to. And besides, only my ex does." 

The guitarist started strumming a D chord on his six string, filling their makeshift studio with the upbeat tune of instrumentals.

"Love was kind for a time  
But now just aches and it makes me blind.  
This mirror holds my eyes too bright  
But I can't see the others in my life."  
He started to sing.  
"We too young and heads too strong  
To bear the weight of these lovers eyes.  
I feel numb beneath your tongue  
Beneath the curse of these lovers eyes."

Breaching the chorus, Luke started strumming stronger. But when his voice rang out to sing it, he wasn't singing alone.

Julie looked over and saw where Alex sat, singing along, eyes laid softly on Luke.

"But do not ask the price I pay.  
I must live with my quiet rage.  
Tame the ghosts in my head  
That run wild and wish me dead.  
Should you shake my ash to the wind  
Lord forget all of my sins  
And let me die where I lie  
'Neath the curse of these lover's eye."

The puzzle in Julie's head started clicking together slowly, looking between the room, and listening to the music.

"There is no drink or drug I've tried  
To rid the curse of these lover's eyes.  
I feel numb beneath your tongue  
Your strength just makes me feel less strong." Alex sang solo, standing up and walking over to Luke to share the mic where he stood, and repeating the chorus together.

The two came to the end of the song, joined in harmony on the last two lines. Alex rested his head against Luke's forehead, and both of them closed their eyes, taking in the energy of each other.

"I walk slow.  
I walk slow.  
Take my hand  
Help me on my way."

They weren't together anymore, but every step they took was one they continued and would continue to take together, hand in hand, still with the support of their other friend Reggie, and their new friend, Julie.

The two boys closed off the song by vocalizing passionate yells throughout the room, bouncing on the balls of their feet and dancing around, letting out over 25 years worth of pent up emotion. 

Julie and Reggie smiled in glee, dancing along and happy for their friend's gaining a sense of closure for sharing a part of their past.

Luke wiped some tears out of his eyes, a grin plastered on his face in relief. 

"I know I already say this a lot. But I love you guys." He said, making them all coo, and join together for a group hug.

They stood together for a few minutes longer, basking in each other's comfort, before pulling away.

"So, does this mean you're bi?" Julie asked.

Luke reached a hand back to scratch the back of his head. "Uhhh, well I was actually hoping you could help me understand all that? There's a lot more flags that I've seen since the nineties."

She smiled, and agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise :) a luke centric chapter as i figured this was the best way to portray a scene i’ve had in mind for awhile. the songs listed and written out are real songs that remind me of alex and luke, and i encourage y’all to check them out!
> 
> “In Too Deep” - Sum 41  
> “Walk The Line” - Micky James  
> “Lover’s Eyes” - Mumford & Sons


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